Ressurection of the Fallen
by bluehaze005
Summary: After attempting to take his life publically, Johnny is whisked away to an insane asylum by a most unlikely candidate, He is there released a long while later, healed of his ways embarking on a clearer life, though with a twist R&R please!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter one - The resurrection  
  
Sunlight filtered into my eyes between the railed windows and filling the soft gray, padded room with surreal warmth. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the last time I could feel and appreciate the sunlight, though I couldn't grasp onto the feeling very long. All feelings I had were erased. I was so empty inside, I'm sure that if someone were to enter my body like a cave and call into it, they would hear their echo for years.  
  
I lied there on the ground of my empty room, staring unblinking up at the ceiling, entertaining myself by counting the rips in the material; most caused by me. That was long ago though, how long to be exact I wasn't sure. I had to have been in this place at least a year, but it felt longer.much longer. I don't even remember being admitted here, or going to the hospital to have my wrists stitched up, memories these days of the past were fleeting and uncontrollable thanks to the many pills I had to consume nearly every hour it seemed. The only glimpse of a memory I can recall is the day I'm nearly positive drove me to this place: That cold winter day. The specific details, I cannot tell, driven out of my memory. I remember lying on the ground in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city with excruciating pain in my wrists, hearing a terrible laugh in my head.a bodiless laugh. I could feel the blood spurting out of my incisions like a white rapid, the more it exited the weaker I felt, less breaths I took, the more intense the laughter. Then people began to surround me. "Fuck them" I thought to myself, then blacked out.  
  
I awoke here, in this very place I lay on the ground; at first bound by a white jacket, the voice in my head taunting me for living so badly I somehow escaped the jacket and tried to tear myself out of the chamber in a fit of rage, to get at the voice.to destroy who ever it was. They simply needed to leave me alone. Though that was put to a quick end as a small piercing pain entered my neck followed by a warm, pleasant sting making me drowsy.then I fell. When I awoke once more, a heavy headed pain and a low ringing in my ears greeted me. I lifted my hand to my forehead to rub my temples, and then saw them. On my wrists, were.stitches? Ranging from my palm to my forearm, on both arms. Someone in that pathetic, idiotic world saved me. Someone actually cared that I was dying. Perhaps some of the world wasn't that bad? I wouldn't go that far to say, but someone.cared.  
  
I was placed back in the jacket a few hours later, though I never tried to break out of it again. I'm sure the medicine they injected in me while I was out killed the voice in my head, for I could never hear it speak again. Sure, I could hear its vocals ringing in my head, but with no words. Just gibberish. Only recently I was released from that jacket again never to be bound by it again on good behavior. Though the 'good behavior' was only the result of the medicine; I could never imagine me doing any good, or anything at that matter. I was just nothing.just.empty.  
  
As that memory ended like a movie and the credits of gibberish rolled, I blinked and heaved a long, heavy sigh. I rested the back of my head on my arms, though lightly. Yes, the stitches had been long removed, but too much pressure hurt like Hell. I rubbed the heel of my boot up and down the side of my calf attempting to cure an itch, too lazy to sit up and scratch the irritation. The sun now shined down into the side of my left eye, blinding me with a bright warm light momentarily before I tilted my head away.  
  
"Johnny?" A soft feminine voice called from my door. I slowly turned my head, looking up at her. She was my nurse, a younger rather pretty girl named Andrea. She treated me well, untiringly like a mother. Coming by once an hour to get my anything I wanted and to give me my pills, claiming they would do me well. Sometimes she would come down just to talk to me, to rid me of the utter boredom in this God forsaken room. From those conversations, I learned that she had a gray cat named Smokey, lived in an apartment in the city, and liked the theater, going to orchestras, and the simple pleasures of life. I wished that I could tell her things about me, though to be honest, I mostly wished I could even remember things about me other than " My name is Johnny Colt. You can call me Nny." She never did call me Nny.  
  
" How are you feeling?" She asked, offering me a warm smile and brushing her long blonde hair behind her ears. I blinked, not answering for a moment, then looking back up at the ceiling.  
  
"Cold." I replied, looking back at her. The smile still plastered onto her face in a warm, almost mother like state.  
  
" Would you like a blanket?" She asked once more tilting her head. I nodded. " I'll go get one in a moment, I've brought you your lunch. Please eat it today Johnny, you're so skinny I'm surprised you can lift your legs with boots that heavy." She added with a hint of a joke and a sparkle in her sapphire eyes. She wasn't lying, I was sickly thin; feeling every individual rib in my rib cage and my pelvic bones jutting out as I lied there, though I simply wasn't hungry. She opened my door, walking slowly into my room carrying a tray resting a bowl with which steam twisted in the air, and a small glass of water no doubt, placing it down next to me. I looked up at her then back at the tray, slowly sitting up, legs crossed over one another.  
  
" They made soup today, chicken soup to be exact. You need your protein Johnny, please eat it for me." She said looking me in the eyes pathetically. I looked back and her blankly, then down at the bowl of yellowish broth. Despite my lack of hunger, I picked up the plastic spoon and dipped it into the warm broth, blowing on it slightly, and taking it to my mouth. Immediately the warmth filled my body and the taste licked my tongue.I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten soup, hunger attacked me then after as I hastily dipped the spoon back down and took another mouthful. Andrea smiled at me and patted my bony back. " See? It's not so bad! I'll be back with that blanket." She said happily, standing back up and leaving my room with a light click of the door. I sat there on the ground eating the soup feverishly. Embracing the return of the feeling: Hunger. Before long, the bowl was empty as I drank the water in less than two gulps. Andrea returned carrying a white, fleece like blanket and another glass of water, immediately looking down at the empty containers.  
  
" Good! You ate it all! " She squeaked, placing the blanket next to me and sitting down in front of me, moving the tray towards the door. I unwrapped it and coiled it around my shoulders.  
  
" Nice day out there?" I asked looking up at the window, seeing the blue sky. She nodded  
  
"Lovely. Even if it is a tad on the chilly side." She replied. I looked back at her emotionlessly then at the little cup of pills in her hand. Her gaze followed mine. " Oh yes, I almost forgot. It's time for your medicine."  
  
I looked at her pathetically, one side of my mouth dropping to a half frown and groaning. She smiled and rubbed her hand up and down my protruding spine.  
  
" Awww come on Nny.They've made you so much better!" She cooed in her motherly fashion.I was simply surprised she called me Nny. Once more against my will, I took the pills and the water she handed me and consumed them. After all she was right. They had calmed me.no longer did I have those violent, depressing urges I used to. " Now," she started after I handed the empty glass back to her whipping my lips " I'd like to ask you something."  
  
"Go ahead." I answered quietly. 


	2. Chapter two The spark of a memory

(Author's note: This chapter may be taken down for maintenance. Not sure I like it much but hey, I never like my work very much until I finish. Oh yeah, and yes. I am Jhonen. I own Johnny. Yes.*cough* kidding my friends. Read on)  
  
"Do you remember anything about how you got here?" She asked tilting her head. Immediately I shook my head, she frowned. " Not even who brought you here?"  
  
" I assume one of the passer Byers who saw me lying there almost dead." I answered dryly. She looked at me quizzically.  
  
" That's odd. She told us you were once rather close to her. " She added. I looked at her very oddly.she? I hardly knew many females.  
  
" Who?" I asked lifting an eyebrow.  
  
" She didn't leave us with her name." She replied. " She only called us from the hospital where she had taken you, telling us that you needed desperate help. Though I did catch a glimpse of her as we came to take you here. She was sitting beside you with a look of well.anger."  
  
"What'd she look like?" I asked for the first time in a long time with emotion in my voice.  
  
" She was pale.quite pale. Green eyes and kind of magenta hair." She started, though stopped seeing the expression on my face. I could feel the look I showed, eyes wide, mouth gaping. A memory flashed through my mind, of a girl with those exact characteristics, a lost feeling I once had.happiness? Joy? Then it clicked; it was Devi. The only person, let alone girl, that I actually had feelings for.I remembered now; I tried to kill her for my own happiness. Then lost her.  
  
" Devi." I said quietly looking at the corner, eyes still wide. Andrea placed her hand on my back again.  
  
"Something wrong Nny?" She asked; prepared to take out the syringe I saw in her apron. I shook my head then looked back at her.  
  
" I know who it was. I remember her. I tried to kill her once." I started. Andrea didn't look surprised.  
  
" You tried to kill her, now she saved you." She said. I shrugged fingering with one of the buckles on my left boot.  
  
"So it seems." I answered bringing my knees to my chest and resting my fist under my chin, utterly confused.  
  
" Johnny.do you remember why you wanted to kill people?" She asked, as if she had been waiting for me to remember these things for a long time and become like a therapist. I sighed, not responding. Not only did Devi come back into mind, but everyone else I had murdered before.and them, the ones who piloted my mind. The voices that tormented my soul, lead me to kill myself, or attempt. My dementia was cleared, at least a little.  
  
"Johnny?" She repeated, breaking me out of my trance. Slowly I nodded.  
  
" Those dolls. Mr. Eff and Psycho Doughboy. They told me to do the things I did." I quietly responded. " I heard them.in my head."  
  
" Do you still?" She asked beginning to rub my back again, sensing my tension. I ran my fingers through my unkempt black hair and shook my head  
  
" Sometimes I can hear their voices, but I can't understand what they're saying. " I said quietly. The sun no longer beaming in through the window, though sky though glowing in its light. She nodded slowly.  
  
" They'll disappear soon enough dear, they're almost gone from what you sound like anyways." She consoled. " Was there any other voices you heard?"  
  
" The only other really, big one was Nail bunny." I started, " he looked after me. I never listened. His voice died after a while."  
  
Andrea nodded slowly, and then slowly coiled her arms around me and holding me against her body in a motherly embrace as if I were a child who was awoken from a nightmare.I stiffened at first. I couldn't remember the last time I felt human contact against my body, then I relaxed. She meant no harm; I could feel it.  
  
" No wonder." She said softly, not releasing me. " No wonder."  
  
I sighed, apprehensively patting her on the back, still dumbfounded as to why Devi, of all people, saved my life. A strange fluttering sensation flew through my stomach as I once more replayed the only image I had of her that I actually treasured; the first time I saw her in that bookstore. She saved me.why. I tried to kill her. Plain and simple, I fell for her and wanted her dead.but she saved me. I wanted to know why she cared.  
  
(Author's note: Just to state, there's nothing going on between Nny and Andrea. I don't really like to set up non-cannon characters with cannon characters. She's just one of those REALLY overly positive people. Coughs back to writing chapter three. Be sure to review ( I enjoy reading what people have to say.) 


	3. Chapter three Freedom?

Slowly she let me go, looking into my eyes with her continuous smile. I looked back blankly, blinked then looked down at the floor not knowing what to say.  
  
" Hey I tell you what Johnny.since it's such a lovely day out and you haven't been outside well.since you've been admitted here, would you like to walk around the courtyards? I think it's best for you to get some contact with the outside world. There's talk of letting you go soon since you seem to have recovered so wonderfully. Although it's given you'll have to come back for a check up every two weeks and continue on the medications." She asked me beginning to stand up.  
  
I looked up at the window again then back to her. I never was a very big fan of the outdoors. Always seemed to end up getting depressed when I went out, though now that the feeling of depression was dead inside me, perhaps it was time to give nature another chance of wooing me. " Alright. That doesn't sound like that bad of an idea. It gets terribly monotonous in here." I replied, shakily standing up; it was astounding how much taller than her I was, never thought of myself as a very tall person. She slowly moved towards my door and opened it, looking back at me with sparkling eyes. I hesitated, than walked forwards out the door.  
  
The halls of the asylum were quiet, bright and sterile. Very surprising, I always used imagine mental houses to be nothing but dark, corridors of bodiless screaming and people walking around muttering nonsense. Though now that I think about it, perhaps the dark corridors of uncontrollable screaming was just symbolic of my own mind back then. I passed a few desks with nurses and doctors, all looking up at me, then at Andrea, who smiled proudly back at them as if my recovery was all her accomplishment. It was I must admit, thought I would have never been here if it wasn't for Devi, I just couldn't stop thinking about that.  
  
" It's a tad chilly outside like I said." She spoke looking back at me, walking into a coatroom and returning after a rather long moment with my long black trench coat, which I recall wearing the day I tried to die. I smiled at it, for the first time in what felt like years, such a foreign feeling. It hurt, the muscles in my cheeks being so weak from lack of any emotion. Andrea looked up at me, noticing my expression and smiled back warmly, placing the cold black jacket into my hands. " It's nice to see that on your face Nny, you should smile more. Makes you look even more handsome."  
  
I blinked looking down at her oddly, smile fading and eyebrow quirking. Though she continued to beam up at me. I tossed the jacket around me, sticking my thin arms through and flipping up the collar. She took a quick scan up and down me and turned around walking towards the double paned courtyard doors.  
  
I stepped outside and was attacked with a wave of cold wind against my face, with the sweet smell of distant burning leaves. Evidently, it was fall. From my room I couldn't see any trees, just the sky. The same sounds of the world that I once heard before echoed in my ears, though there was something new to them. I.appreciated the sounds. I could actually hear them and not the damn voice of the doughboys trying to fuck my mind up; I was born again. The sunlight beamed against the treetops, slowly setting in the West and invisible by the building behind me. Looking around at the world, I felt as if I were a young boy in a candy store.enthralled by everything I saw, longing to taste the fruit of life that I had once turned rotten.  
  
" Missed it didn't you." She said watching my every move as if she had presented me with the greatest gift anyone could give. I simply shrugged, still looking around at the sky and trees, hearing the sounds of the city in the distance and the birds.  
  
"Can't really say. Although I do have to admit that I've never really.taken time to admire the world." I answered in a light mutter. " It's beautiful." Never did I imagine that word would come from my mouth. She laughed lightly tugging at my jacket sleeve and walking a little ahead of me looking back.  
  
"Come on Nny, let's take that walk."  
  
The fallen leaves crunched at my feet as I still looked around in bewilderment. I placed my hands in my pockets, though in one of them felt something hard and cold. I stopped, coiled my fingers around it, and pulled out a small switchblade. Andrea turned around and stopped in her tracks looking at the knife in my hand, noticing my evident blank expression and walked up in front of me. This was they very knife that I had used to cut myself open. Now my dementia was cleared; I remembered everything.  
  
" Johnny." She started in a soft whisper but trailed off looking at the weapon in my hand as if she was testing my every move. I just stared down at it blankly, why hadn't someone taken it out of my pocket when I was taken here? Was this supposed to be a test of will? Whatever it was, I knew what I had to do. I looked down at her unblinkingly and outstretched my hand.  
  
" Take it. I don't need it." I murmured.  
  
" Why not?" She asked not moving.  
  
I sighed shaking my head and looking to the sky, trying to search for any homicidal urges within me, voices of the Doughboys, or dark thoughts. Nothing.  
  
" Because that part of my life is dead now. " I muttered. She looked up at me happily taking the weapon away, standing on her toes and throwing her arms around my neck, startling me.  
  
" Congratulations Nny. " She said softly in my ear. " I knew you were cured."  
  
I never was a fan of "touchy feely" people, not exactly returning the embrace but loosely placing my hand against her back, eyes darting back and forth. " I'll say that my mind has healed, but my distaste for people still remains." I said, watching a flock of small birds fly by. She let go of me and began to walk along side me leading me towards a picnic table that looked out at the city, near the electric bared wire fences.  
  
" Well, you don't have to like everyone Johnny, that's natural. Just as long as you don't let it over take your life, turn you homicidal again. " She shot back at me as I sat on top of the table resting my feet on the bench and she sat near my legs. " You do feel better about people don't you though?"  
  
I shrugged looking up at the sky as the wind ruffled through my hair " I can admit I don't feel violent or as dark anymore, but I just can't like people, or most."  
  
" You can like me!" She exclaimed happily, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation  
  
((Author's note: Okay maybe she DOES has a thing for him.*coughs*))  
  
I looked down at her blankly blinking slowly. " Well, you haven't added to my hatred of humans that's for sure." The best retort I could think to say. I watched as a few of the other patients walked by muttering silently to them selves, being lead by their caretakers. I shook my head actually feeling sorry for them.wait.sorry? I had feelings again? This defiantly was a breakthrough day. She smiled up at me in such a sweet way I could feel the cavities forming in my mouth  
  
" I tell you what Johnny, since I'm rather high up here, how about I release you now? I can deal with all the records and releasing papers later, but I don't think you belong here anymore." She said softly nudging her head towards the fences. I blinked, wide eyed. I had every intention of pouncing on her and smothering her with a hug of happiness (There again, another feeling I hadn't had since.ever.) but I contained myself. Any drastic moves might have me sent back up to that God forsaken room.  
  
" You...serious?" I asked lightly, not believing the words that came from her mouth. Slowly, she nodded standing up as I followed; taking a dramatic jump from the picnic table, coat billowing behind me in the wind. The electric humming of the barbed wire fence, which separated the two worlds, increased as I took each step. Finally I was staring face to face with my freedom beyond the electric fence. Andrea stepped next to me, pressed a code into the control pad and the humming stopped. She unlocked the gate opening it up and stepping aside. I looked out at it with an enlightened heart as a strange sensation over came my face. I was smiling again, though this time a true, genuine open mouthed, smile. I can't remember the last time I felt, warm inside.  
  
" Go ahead." She said in a voice nothing above a whisper, " just read the amounts you need to take each day and come see me in two weeks." slipping a few containers of what I assumed pills in my coat pocket as if she were planning on this, much like the knife in my pocket. Smart little shit she was.very smart. I looked down at her smile fading a little.  
  
"Thank you." I said softly " I owe you."  
  
" I think you owe your friend Devi more than you owe me." She replied with a wink, I successfully held the blushing back. Once again she threw her arms around me in a tight hug, though this time I didn't mind. She gained me my freedom. Then I felt her lips softly caress my cheek, as fleeting as a quick warm wind in the wintertime. I tensed up once more, shocked and highly confused. She backed away from me with a smile along the lines of loving, though not the "motherly love" she commonly showed me, waved and shut the gate as the electric sound burst like lightning. I watched her walk away through the fence, placing my cold fingertips to my cheek, still confused.  
  
Shrugging and turning around, though lightly smiling in spite of myself. I was free of the shackles I put on myself, free of everything! I began to walk down the sidewalk, coat billowing behind me once more, avoiding eye contact with on goers; though luckily there weren't that many outside. I stopped at an intersection a few blocks away, watching the cars zoom back and forth, thinking about Devi. Before I did anything, I had to know why she saved me and didn't leave me for death, which I had so deserved. I looked to the left down another street with which her apartment complex was on. Should I go thank her? Ask her why? No, I couldn't. I wasn't ready, didn't know what to say just yet. Plus, I just was too cowardly to face her yet. I don't think anyone is ever ready to face someone they once loved, and was hated back. Instead, as the intersection cleared, I walked further out of the heart of the city into the suburbs; towards my house. There were some "things" I had to fix there for sure.and see little 'ol Squee. The only human I could stand asides Devi back when I was troubled. I just hoped he remembered me.  
  
The last lights of the day spread out in the Western horizon in shades of vibrant orange and red as I entered the quiet neighborhood, looking at the houses I once remembered passing, lights on in the windows and cheery feeling. I don't recall I ever saw lights in the window, but the shades drawn and darkness. It was as if they were inviting me back to my life. Hell, everything looked inviting now.all except my house as I came closer to it. A strange cold feeling arose in the pit of my stomach as I stood in front of its dark, foreboding appearance; as if expecting to be killed the moment I walked in. I drew in a sharp breath, stepped up to my door, shakily put my hand on the doorknob. Then I heard their voices again, Mr. Eff and Psycho Doughboy.  
  
" You came back again Nny? What a shame. I thought you killed yourself finally." Sneered one of the two.I couldn't tell anymore who was who. My hand tensed on the doorknob as I closed my eyes gritting my teeth. Both voices began to laugh maniacally." No." I thought to myself, "no. They can't be back; I'm healed. Andrea let me go because I was healed. They're not there. They're not. They can't be fucking back. I'm not crazy anymore. They have to leave; that is an order."  
  
" You're not welcome here anymore." I huffed out loud through my clenched teeth, glaring at the door, feeling rage filling inside me.  
  
" Oh ho! Is that so?" One of them laughed again, then bursting out in dark laughter again. I immediately twisted my doorknob swimming in anger, and kicked open the door with a growl.  
  
((Author's note: Sneaky little runt Andrea wasn't she (. Chapter 4 will be up soon.*Has been writing way too much lately* despite the little ending of this chapter, Johnny IS cured, it's the fact that the doughboys have inanimate shapes and physically are THERE that's bothering him. Kind of like throwing something out of yours that bring back bad memories.)) 


	4. An old friend

The door slammed against the opposite wall then slowly moved back towards me as I stood, looking into my house. I couldn't possibly began to describe how the memories flooded in, best I could elude to was a broken dam spilling blackness; pure blackness. With a creak, I shut the door, the silence rung in my ears, pushing down on me, crushing me like the black oblivion of the sea.  
  
" What's the matter Johnny, afraid? Afraid you might just snap again?" One of the voices in the corner taunted. The floorboards creaked as I stormed across the dark room, coming face to face with the two Styrofoam dolls that I had once believed dictated my life.  
  
" Get out." I spat, clenching my fists in my pockets. " You're not welcome here anymore. You have no control over me."  
  
" Just keep telling yourself that. Those drugs are just candy to your fucked up mind." Mr. Eff said leaning in towards me in a sneer.  
  
" Get out." I repeated lowly, eyes narrowing.  
  
" Ah Eff, you're angering him so. Perhaps he'll try to kill himself again and succeed." Psycho Doughboy injected, both beginning to laugh insanely. I closed my eyes, teeth clenched, rage building inside me. Without warning, I spun around and reached for one of the knives I had strewn about the floor and leapt at the laughing dolls, tearing them apart.  
  
" AH! JOHNNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" screamed Mr. Eff as I ravenously tore his legs off, shredding him to bits with the knife, carving him like a Thanksgiving turkey until he was no more than a screaming pile lying on the floor. I looked over at Psycho Doughboy glaring, with fire in my eyes, slowly lifting my knife up to the side of my face.  
  
" Think about what you're doing Nny..." He said looking up at me in a deep angry voice. " Haven't I been your friend?"  
  
Without answering I flung my knife into him grabbing the handle slowly as he screamed obscenities at me, and twisting it around; carving him in the similar way that I did to Eff. " Would a friend try to kill me?" I asked through gritted teeth as I tore the knife out of him, leaving him in a pile as well. Both of their voices screamed in my head, bursting my eardrums in obscenities and curses. I shuttered throwing the knife into the wall and doubling over onto the floor shaking madly in a feeble position. All around me felt as if I was falling back into my past, the voices taking over my head once more.  
  
" No." I said to myself weakly. " No. You're fine Nny, you're fine. Damn it you bastard get back up! You can't give in! " My eyes filled with tears as I tried to force myself against the crushing pressure the memories and past and stand up, muttering words of hope to myself. The doughboys voices echoed louder and louder the more and more I pushed..until finally I snapped. I threw my head back and screamed as loud as I could above the Doughboys voices. " GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE GOD DAMN IT! YOU ARE NOT- WELCOME-HERE!" I then dropped to my knees and closed my eyes. Slowly the pressure disappeared as the voices began to grow into shouting gibberish, then to nothingness, then...I was alone; free at last.  
  
I stood up slowly; looking around my room seeing the weapons scattered everywhere and irremovable blood stains on the wood here and there with ghostly memories sparred in-between. I collected myself, picked up the remains of the Doughboys and walked towards the back door into my backyard. On the way, I found the headless body of Nail bunny, the only voice of hope I had who stopped talking to me shortly before I had shot myself (abstractly) before. I looked down at the small dead animal pathetically, and picked it up carefully as well.  
  
The weak moonlight beamed down on me as I stepped out into the frigid night air, grabbing the shovel that rested against the back of the house and making my way to the furthest corner of the yard. I set down the Styrofoam and the rabbit's body and began to dig a shallow hole, kicking the foam boys into it and messily covering it back up. I glared down at the burial and spat upon the dirt. " Rot in Hell..." Muttering I picked up the rabbit's body and walked away.  
  
I walked a few dozen yards away from the Doughboys burial towards a small tree in my backyard that I always seemed to enjoy watching the seasons take its toll upon. I could never understand what drove me to like it so much, perhaps it was always the thought that I too, would be reborn from the frozen death of my mind's own Winter. I put the rabbit's body down on the ground and looked up at the moon; it's glow beaming down on my face, and shoved the shovel down into the ground digging a rather deep hole. When I was finished, I carefully placed Nail Bunny's body into it and tightly covered it with dirt. I looked down at the small grave once more, then back up at the moon with a wry smile.  
  
"Thank you." I said softly to the heavens. " Thank you for being my reason."  
  
Feeling surprisingly cleansed, I placed the shovel back at the side of my house and walked around the side yard to the front looking back at my house then at the others in the neighborhood. A small breeze ruffled through my hair as I turned my eyes towards Squee's seeing a small light on in his room. Squeegee! My little pal! It had been so long since I visited him! With a smile on my face, I hastily walked over into his yard and looked up at his window, undoubtedly still broken from my first "visit" with him, and began climbing up the side of his house. When I reached his room, I saw him lying silently on his side away from the window in his bed, holding his bear. I smiled softly and silently maneuvered my way through the pane to his floor. The boards made a soft creak beneath my steel toed boots, but he didn't seem to stir. I slowly walked to the side of his bed, placing my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Squeegee?" I whispered in a rasped voice, kneeling on the floor. The child jumped a little and turned around, looking at me with big, surprised eyes, clutching his bear close to his chest, hiding his mouth as a soft squeak was emitted.  
  
"..You're back.." He said timidly, eyes unblinking looking into mine like a deer's in headlights. I continued to smile weakly at him and nodded.  
  
" Told you I would be." I whispered back. " Did you take good care of yourself while I was gone?"  
  
He nodded slowly, clutching the bear closer. "Shmee says you're here to...to rip my head off and paint my walls with my..my blood." He squeaked. I blinked tilting my head and looking at the bear, then back to Squee shaking my head.  
  
"I wouldn't have done that to you, but..I'm not that way anymore." I replied. " But how have you been? "  
  
He shook his head looking towards his partly opened door. " Daddy says if he hears me talking to you again he'll send me away...but wouldn't care..." He said meekly, I frowned. It was far evident his family didn't care about him one bit and if I could, I would take him in; though I was sure my house would traumatize him even more than he already was.  
  
"Well in that case, what say you we go on a little walk?" I asked standing back up slowly. Squee made a soft noise in his throat as I towered over him, looking at his door again then back up at me nodding and sitting up. I looked behind me at the window then down at him. " Try to hold onto me as best you can. The tunnel in my basement is a tad...crowded still." Squee's eyes widened, in horror. Remembering what I had told him before I left about the underground tunnel I had. I lowered back down to a squat as the small child hesitantly wrapped his arms around my neck still holding his bear and sitting on my shoulder. I hesitated at first, though it not being an exact embrace it still seemed close to one, though oddly it didn't bother me as much as Andrea's embraces only a few hours before. I shook my head standing back up and carefully making my way down the side of his house with one hand on his back.  
  
As we were only a few feet away from the ground, I dropped. Squee squealed burying his face in my neck in fright. " Hey, hey! It's okay Squeegee it was only a small drop!" I consoled kneeling back down and letting him to the ground and beginning to walk down the sidewalk. " You hungry? I know I am a little..." I asked, though before I heard a response, I felt something small grab my hand. I jumped slightly and looked down, seeing Squee's hand grasping my own. I hesitated for a moment blinking down at him as he simply stared ahead down the street wearing what I could have sworn was a smile. Lightly, I coiled my index and middle finger around his hand, losing the strange, uncomfortable feeling I had.  
  
"You hungry? I repeated, passing my house. "Mmm hmmm." He replied skittering along side me for each step I took. I smiled once more, genuinely as we approached the city limits. Once again I avoided the odd looks people gave me, eyes fixed straight ahead..though my heart sank as I stopped at a halt, my eyes falling upon something I wished they hadn't.  
  
" Umm..Mr. Not so scary neighbor person? Nny? What's wrong?" Squee asked lightly. My mouth dropped open as no noise came forth but tiny squeaks. My heart beating a, million miles an hour.  
  
"..It's..her..." I replied in a terrified voice, frozen in my tracks as Devi, looking down at the ground ignorant to my presence; came closer.  
  
((Author's note: Uh oh what shall happen now?! ::big gasp:: I can guarantee you readers, that this story will drastically pick up and become more interesting now that Devi has returned..Chapter 5 will be up soon. )) 


	5. Devi's ball of fury

Squee looked up at me in a confused fear, then over towards Devi, who came closer and closer. " Who?" He squeaked clutching onto my hand tighter as if he sensed grave danger. My heart was in my throat; all I wished to do was run but my legs couldn't move.  
  
"Hey one side moron!" a fat hairy man who looked as if his name should have been Bruce in a black wife beater two sizes too small spat at me as he pushed against my back, sending me against the side of the building I stood near. I admit, Squee and myself WERE hogging the walkway, but that man was uncalled for.  
  
" Fuck you ass hole!" I shouted back at him, flipping him a gesture with my hand, though he was lost in the sea of people next to me. I was though; quite surprised I had no intuition to disembowel him right then and there.  
  
" What the fuck are you doing out here.." A sultry voice cooed darkly in front of me. My heart stopped, as a block of ice formed in my stomach. Swallowing hard I shut my eyes and turned my head to the front of me then reopened my eyes slowly. Devi stood before me, looking up into my eyes angrily like a rattlesnake on the hunt; her emerald eyes narrowed and burning.  
  
Words failed me plain and simple as a small squeak came from my throat. Devi's eyes narrowed more as her lips pursed, twisting into a grimace, gritting her teeth. Suddenly, the feeling came back to my legs as I dropped my grasp on Squee's hand and lowered myself, turned around, and dashed as fast as I could, mowing through the crowd, knocking over outdoor stands and tripping over small children spouting apologies left and right.  
  
But I wasn't fast enough; I could hear her charging full tilt behind me as well as Squee's little voice calling after me. I pushed myself harder and harder beginning to lose her, gasping for air and searching for any means of escape. Finally, I began to close in on an alley taking a sharp turn and nearly crashing into the scattered boxes all over the ground. I stopped, panting and leaning forwards looking at the ground then suddenly feeling something very sharp hit my back, followed by weight as my body suddenly met the cold hard ground knocking the wind out of me. A hand appeared on my left arm, holding it with a painful grasp flipping me to my back as I once more looked into the emerald glow of Devi's angry eyes, now burning with even more rage. She straddled my chest, making it unable for me to catch my breath easily as I coughed. She dug her nails into the palms of my hands and forcefully pinned my hands down with hers over my head lowering down a little and glaring into my own wide eyes. I dared not fight back, remembering what happened last time.  
  
" I should have fucking let you bleed to death you louse..you fucking bastard.." She hissed, shaking as she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, tears forming in her eyes. " What the FUCK are you doing on the streets..why the FUCK did they let you out..it was so much better for me..you..YARGHHH!!!" She screamed, hurting my ears. Suddenly she let go of one of my hands, now shaking in pain from her nails and struck me as hard as she could across my face leaving an echoing slap resonating between the walls. He head snapped in the direction of her strike, looking stunned, at the garbage cans next to me.  
  
" WELL ANSWER ME GOD DAMNIT YOU SKINNY FAGGOT!" She shrieked, shaking. I felt two small droplets of water fall onto my neck as I heard a soft sniffle. "Answer me.." She repeated in a meek, shaky voice. " I swear to God if you try to kill me again I will break your neck.."  
  
I looked up at her, still hard of breath. Her eyes were now shut, though small beads of water collected at her lashes. " Devi.." I whispered, trying to sound as calm as I could. " I..why did you-"  
  
" You're not answering my question Johnny.." She interrupted in a calmer sounding voice, opening her eyes and looking down at me pathetically, nails digging harder into my palms, causing me to wince.  
  
"I..I don't know..The nurse let me out on good behavior I guess.."  
  
" The words good behavior and you don't go together." She whispered once more interrupting me and closing her eyes once more as more tears fell onto me. My eyes began to narrow as I frowned; this wasn't at all what I was expecting, especially from the one who saved me.  
  
" You know you didn't have to save me Devi, you could have just let me die." I said in a low voice. Her eyes shot open at my tone and her body stiffened in fear, though melted back into anger.  
  
" You didn't deserve to go the easy way out. You deserved to live in the filth you caused yourself." She hissed; I glared.  
  
" Then why did you send me to an asylum Devi huh? Seems to me you didn't want me to live in the 'filth I caused myself'."  
  
She looked down at me stunned, eyes wide once more, then narrowing in absolute hate. Her hand let go of my palm once more and found itself clasped to my windpipe tightly causing me to choke.  
  
" Listen here Johnny-pooh..I could have cared less if you died, but I wasn't about to let the other people on that street have to see you die. They didn't need to see that or have to have the picture of your blood spewing from your wrists like a fucking geyser printed in their minds forever.." she hissed darkly letting go of my throat and standing back up. I coughed, sitting up and rubbing my neck, glaring at her.  
  
"S..since when do you c...care what others think or s..see?" I asked coolly. She spun around looking at me as if I had uncovered a terrible secret, blushing slightly, and glaring then spinning around away from me. As I arose to my feet, I saw Squee standing at the mouth of the alley, clutching Shmee with great fear then running to me as fast as he could, clinging onto my leg and shaking.  
  
"What just happened Mr. Nny sir?" He squeaked looking up at Devi who slowly was walking away.  
  
" Oh nothing. Just simply caught up with someone who once meant something to me." I said sharply glaring. She stopped and spun around.  
  
" Yeah...just another helpless person to disembowel for absolutely no FUCKING reason and leave me paranoid of my own damned SHADOW!" She shouted throwing a broken bottleneck at me, which missed and shattered against the wall. Squee squealed and hugged my leg tighter.  
  
" Will you PLEASE just get over that Devi?!" I bellowed feeling anger arising in me " I said I was sorry and GOD I've never meant it more than I ever did when I said it!" I took a deep breath, trembling slightly, expression growing softer as I looked over her. " I would never try doing anything like that again, because of you." ((A/N: Stupid teen angst mode..))  
  
Her eyes narrowed as she bared her gritted teeth. " Don't you DARE try to make it sound like I heroically saved your life because of any pathetic, lovey-dovey feelings I had for you..." She hissed.  
  
" Then why did you Devi? Why! I don't buy your bullshit story of trying to spare the 'innocent people' from seeing me die. Hell, the things they see everyday on T.V is MUCH more graphic than seeing a man lying there with bleeding wrists." I said forcefully back, though quieted down as Squee gave a dry sob burying his face into my trench coat. I looked down at him pathetically and placed my hand on his back in condolence.  
  
Devi looked at me once more as if I had uncovered another deep dark secret, eyes darting back and forth and sighing deeply. For the first time that evening she calmed down, looking like she did a long while before; before I tried to kill her. She pulled her coat closer to her and looked down at the ground, wind dancing in her hair..God even in the lack of light she looked so beautiful..  
  
" Okay. So maybe I thought that with help, the side I once knew before would come back.maybe I 'vainly' thought that you weren't the horrible person you had made yourself into." She muttered, spitting as if the words tasted like filth and glaring at me.  
  
" Then why don't you see for yourself if your little 'selfish mission' succeeded." I spat back glaring as well, taking Squee's hand and walking towards her, as she backed away from me. " You hungry? Squee and I are getting something to eat. I suppose we can catch up over I don't know..tacos or something." Devi's eyes narrowed again in hate, as she began to circle around me.  
  
" Don't think for one moment that I've succumbed to you or something.." She hissed in a warning tone. I looked back at her queerly raising my free hand.  
  
" Look..you don't have to come with us. I just think it's a tad rude to not invite someone to dinner who took it upon her to save my life." I shot back. She looked at me for a moment, not moving then sighed shaking her head.  
  
" Oh fucking fine. All right already.."  
  
" You sure?"  
  
She glared at me, pushing past me walking ahead of me infuriated with her self.  
  
" YES! FOR THE LAST TIME!" she shouted back at me. I looked down at Squee, smirking slightly and followed her towards the Taco Hell.  
  
" You like her Mr. Nny sir?" Squee asked me lightly. I laughed somewhat to myself, watching her storm on.  
  
" Like you wouldn't believe Squeegee..Like you wouldn't believe."  
  
((Author's note: Thank you those for your lovely comments ( and all you others...REVIEW OR I SHALL MURDER YOU! I appreciate knowing my work is read and appreciated! Okay so this chapter isn't as interesting as the up coming ones..but I can guarantee your wait for some interesting action will be wonderfully fulfilled. I've got some NASTY little twists up my sleeve. Chapter six will be up within the week, and this is the chapter where things began to "heat up" (take that as foreshadowing if you may..::evil grin:: ) 


	6. Just one more night

" Take care Squeegee! It was nice chatting with you!" I whispered silently sitting on the windows ledge watching Squee lie back down in his bed.  
  
"Thank you for the Taco Mr. Nny sir..." He yawned, smiling weakly at me for the first time in what seemed like ages. I saluted him jokingly and dropped back down to the ground, only to turn around and see Devi standing behind me, arms crossed over her chest and staring blankly at me. I blinked, looking towards my house incase of a needed escape.  
  
" Calm yourself jumpy McGee, I'm only here to thank you for the dinner." She said snidely, smirking at my discomfort. " I'd say if it wasn't for that group of teeny boppers constantly asking us if that kid there was ours and not leaving us alone, it was a pretty nice night."  
  
I gave her an odd look, tilting my head to the side and narrowing one of my eyes.  
  
" You make it sound like we were on a date or something." I said oddly.  
  
" Unless deep down you were thinking that, I was only taking your invitation." She said with savvy.  
  
"Right." I replied smoothly, smirking deviously at her then walking down the sidewalk towards the city once more.  
  
" And where do you think you're going Nny? Your house is right there." She said catching up along side me. I looked down at her then at my house passing by.  
  
" Well what kind of gentleman would I be not escorting you back to your apartment? Especially at this time of night?" I replied smoothly smirking in a taunting manner down at her. The sides of her lips tugged up in an attempt to smile, but by force, fell back down.  
  
" You're the furthest side of the spectrum from a gentleman Nny.." She said darkly.  
  
" Really now.." I said slowly, outstretching my thin arm and bending it at the elbow and offering it to her. She looked up at me as if I were still insane, wide eyed and backed away.  
  
"What the.."  
  
"It's called an arm Devi, usually the lady takes it just to appease the man and not make him feel or look like an idiot. It was a gesture of kindness back in the day, much like the man taking his coat off and covering a puddle so she could cross." I replied suavely. She stared at me dumbfounded, and then shook her head laughing slightly.  
  
" Thank you for the history lesson Professor C.." She cooed sarcastically, wrapping her arm around mine slowly and very unsurely. I could fully understand why though, I only DID happen to try and kill her the last time she tried to touch me. When she realized she was holding my arm, she blinked wide-eyed, then looked up at me like a deer in headlights.  
  
" What, did I step in dog shit again?" I joked, trying to keep her calm. I knew full well why she was shocked.  
  
"N-No.." She said softly, slowly beginning to lose her fear and holding my arm a tad bit tighter. I beamed, hopefully unseen and more than likely blushing. I prayed the moon wasn't strong enough to show it.  
  
" So you're saying you'll remove your coat and place it over that gigantic puddle coming up and let me walk over it." She said smoothly with just the hint of dark sarcasm. I snapped away from the sky and looked down at the ground, sure enough seeing a puddle the size of a small car just ahead covering much of the sidewalk. I looked down at her darkly, glaring.  
  
" Over my dead body I'm getting this jacket wet." I growled teasingly. I was surprised to see that she didn't jump away from my sudden dark side, even if I was in fact joking.  
  
" Fine. Some gentleman you are." She replied sticking her nose up in the air looking away from me with a soft Humph! I smirked.  
  
"Oh really now?" I said smoothly, releasing her arm and wrapping it around her back and pulling her closer to me. I kneeled down to my knees wrapping my other arm around the back of her knees and stood up quickly, knocking her to her back though catching her in a cradle. Her eyes widened as she yelped.  
  
"DAMN IT NNY!" She gasped; looking at me wide eyed wrapping her arms around neck. " What the HELL are you doing!?"  
  
" Being a gentleman." I cooed once more, narrowing my eyes and smirking as we approached closer to the puddle. I stopped in my tracks and looked at it, surveying it. Suddenly I broke into a full tilt sprint, Devi wrapped her arms around me tighter watching. As I reached the puddle I leapt gallantly into the air in hopes of clearing the puddle..though sadly, the puddle was longer than I had anticipated and ungracefully, I landed smack dab in the middle of it, falling to my ass and creating a humongous splash which drenched both of us.  
  
" Or.." I started, looking down at her wide-eyed and innocently as she stared up at me shocked. " I could land on my ass in the middle of the puddle getting my jacket as well as you and myself drenched and embarrassing the fuck out of me.." I looked down at her, opening my mouth into an innocent grin a five year old would give still holding her as she snorted, smirking, then throwing her head back and laughing out loud..I hadn't ever heard her laugh this freely. I rather enjoyed it.  
  
" Oh my GOD Nny..I..oh!" She attempted to say between laughs. I smirked chuckling slightly. " You are such an incredible idiot!"  
  
I blinked, smile disappearing then mock glaring at her, beads of water falling from my hair. " Oh THAT is it Dev.." I growled; lifting her up slightly and dropping her on her butt in the puddle creating another splash as she emitted a high-pitched squeal followed by laughter.  
  
" Nny! You stupid little shit!" She shouted; dripping and kneeling on her toes, springing at me like a wild cat on the hunt. I emitted a short laugh and rolled onto my back, catching her with my boots and lightly throwing her back into the water. She landed with another splash on her back and sat up again leaping at me before I could guard myself, landing on top of me. I laughed softly grabbing her hands before she could pin me down, twining my fingers into hers and attempting to wrestle her off of me. Though after a while of unsuccessful attempts to flip her onto her own back and pin her, I gave up, being pinned down like I was earlier that evening.  
  
" Oh give it up Nny, I win." She said breathlessly, leaning in towards me and smiling, panting.  
  
" That wasn't..very lady like..Devi." I panted looking up at her with an innocent smile, then all words faded. She caught her breath slowly then simply looked down at me with a tired smile. My heart fluttered momentarily, as my own expression softened, eyes narrowing slightly and relaxing beneath her suddenly feeling quite warm despite the cold water I was lying in. I felt her grip loosen on the palms of my hands, as her palms slowly caressed across mine, then slowly dragging the backs of her nails down them; sending the shivers down my spine.  
  
Her emerald eyes rested on my own brown ones in a warm expression that I had never seen anyone give me before in my entire life. All around us seemed to be a haze, canceling everything out, as if the only things that mattered right then and there was us. A blanket of warm drowsiness, much like the warmth one feels while lying on the pavement of a warm summer's day covered my entire body making me melt.  
  
" You look so innocent right now." She said in a soft whisper slowly leaning closer down towards my face, eyes narrowing, her hands lightly massaging my palms. I smiled warmly up at her with every amount of energy I could muster.  
  
" Sorry?" I barely whispered up at her, watching her face come closer and closer to mine. My head swimming, heart fluttering. She didn't respond, hovering just a few inches away from my face, head tilted and eyes closed still wearing a meek smile. I began to narrow my own, tilting my head slightly as well. " Come on Devi, do it; just do it. You want to, and I want you to.." I thought to myself, just wanting to wrap my arms around her and feel her body against mine. Feeding my heart's aching hunger of longing. I could no longer feel the water or the sidewalk beneath me; I was floating. I felt her hand softly meet the side of my face, thumb caressing my cheek. I smiled, eyes now closed tilting my head further into her hand and softly nuzzling it then feeling her lightly tilt my face back again; her lips just a hair away. I could just feel the electric sparks buzzing between our mouths, anticipating the meeting much like a child sitting before a Christmas tree full of packages, her breath softly and comfortably caressing across my face my heart racing..and then..A car drove speedily by, sending a wave of water from the pavement over us, starling us as she jumped away. I opened my eyes blinking, seeing her sitting up on my chest, and looking disappointedly down at me.  
  
" Damn it.." She barely whispered, sliding off me, allowing me to sit up. Fucking car, why didn't it drive by just a moment later? What a mood killer. I ran my fingers through my drenched hair, which spiked it. She looked over at me again and smirked warmly. " You look like a drenched rat."  
  
I smirked back, playfully splashing her softly. Heart and stomach still fluttering and mind still swimming. " Well so do you!" I replied softly, holding back the desire to grab her into my arms and finally make that embrace which twice now was interrupted, happen. I stood back up, soaked from head to toe, clothing clinging to my skinny body making me look even slighter. I out stretched my hand to her, as she grabbed it I pulled her to her feet and began to walk down the sidewalk once more, leaving a giant trail of water behind us. Words were still a loss to us, though it wasn't awkward surprisingly. It was as if words would spoil the wonderful feeling that still covered us like a dome. My heart fluttered once more though, as we came into the city once more (and un-doubtfully getting odd looks, simply based on how wet we were) as I felt her hand meet mine, fingers entwining with mine. I smiled with a sigh..praying my heart wouldn't beat out of my chest.  
  
We walked a few blocks further into the city, past various black alleys until we reached her apartment complex. We walked up the seven flights of stairs.continuing to leave the water trail..and stopping short of her door. This was the first time I believe, I had ever been in her apartment complex. I looked down at her, expecting to see a small shadow of fear of me here in her eyes, but saw nothing but a warm glow.  
  
" Thanks again for the dinner." She whispered, releasing my hand and placing hers against my cheek again. I smiled looking down into her eyes again.  
  
" No problem.." I answered, that look returning in her eyes as she coiled her other arm around my back and pulling me closer to her..oh God did I love that. I leaned down slightly as she leaned against her door, taking her hand off my cheek and placing it against the back of my neck, I trembled once more. I tilted my head, closing my eyes again, lips hovering in front of hers, absorbing her warmth. Though just as our lips barely met, someone slammed a door on the floor above us startling us again as I jumped back this time. Devi narrowed her eyes, gritting her teeth up at the ceiling.  
  
" Fucking Hell,.." she whispered looking over at me pathetically. I looked up at the ceiling, glaring and shaking my head as I put my hands into my pockets, then looked back down at her warmly with another innocent smirk.  
  
" Talk about bad timing again." I joked; she smiled back at me, placing her hand on her doorknob.  
  
" Come see me tomorrow evening?" She asked softly. I blinked extremely surprised, heart racing as a strange cold feeling raced through my stomach.  
  
" If you so desire me to." I replied with a smirk. She nodded opening her door and half way walking in.  
  
" Of course I do.." She replied smiling still, leaning against her doorway.  
  
" Well then, I'll be by around..say nine?" I asked; she nodded, I beamed feeling a wave of warmth over come me again. " I look forwards to it then." I added as I placed my index and middle finger to my forehead in a half salute, slowly walking backwards. She giggled and waved weakly.  
  
" See you tomorrow Nny.." She called off, before shutting her door. I stopped for a moment and stared, still smiling like an idiot. Turning around and exiting the building, I felt like leaping in the air and shouting for joy..one of the many feelings I thought I'd never feel again. And it was all thanks to her, everything.  
  
I kicked open the door to my house with a loud bam, still wearing a goofy smirk and stripping off my soaked jacket. Dropping to my couch, I looked out one of the openings in the boards I had over my windows seeing the moonbeam down onto me, and wondering if she too was looking up at the moon at this very moment as well..Damn. I think I was in..in love.  
  
((Author's note: Aww what a warm fuzzy chapter x)..That all is going to change soon however..I'm just not going to tell how ::sticks out tongue:: I'm such a bitch :-D Please continue to R&R. Your reviews are what inspire me to keep writing! ::Starts brainstorming chapter seven:: )) 


	7. Tragedy

((Authors note: Okay here's the big chapter and second to last :: frowns:: but don't worry, I'm planning on writing more Johnny fics. I DO warn you readers though...that this chapter is incredibly hard to write and probably hard to read as well, just PLEASE don't flame me. The last chapter was supposed to be all a part of this one but I decided to lengthen the story out..heh, I discovered that my summary really doesn't have much to do with the story. Anyways, read on))  
  
The next morning and day flew by as fast as a bolt of lightning, though no pun intended in regards to the weather as I stood on my front porch watching the rain pour down in thick kamikaze like bombs onto the ground; a blinding blue light streaked in the sky followed by a ear splitting roar. I frowned slightly with a sigh, looking towards Squee's house seeing no lights on and no car in the driveway..must have gone out for the night.  
  
" Fuck.." I muttered in a moan stepping off my porch and race walking to my car trying to avoid the rain as much as humanly possible. As I sat down, putting the keys into the ignition, I smirked feeling my mood lift and heart lighten. Remembering that I was only moments away from spending the evening with Devi, the only person I believed I truly ever had romantic feelings for.  
  
The drive into town was quiet and quick, not many people were out on the streets tonight, except the smattering of homeless souls and shoppers running with their packages over their heads having foolishly forgot their umbrellas. The manholes steamed like surreal geysers and the streetlights gave everything a bright orange haze as the lightning flashed: beautiful. It was, in an abstract way (well..at least to me it was.)  
  
Finally I reached my destination, parking a block away from her complex past an alley and getting out. A fresh burst of cold wind and pummeling rain greeted me as I hurriedly walked past the alley and dashed into her apartment complex. Upon feeling the warmth of the lobby, a bright grin stole my face as I slowly walked up the stairs, savoring each step as if I were eating a gourmet meal. Finally I reached her door, looking over it for a moment as my heart and stomach did flips. I lightly knocked upon it and stepped back waiting. Behind the door I heard a few clicks as it slowly opened flooding the hallway with dim light. Devi appeared in the doorway, looking as beautiful as always. She smiled warmly up at me leaning the side of her face against the door.  
  
" What a ghastly night it is out." She said softly, hypnotizing me with her eyes. I nodded slowly, feeling my knees go weak. " I almost expected you to not come by."  
  
" I thought we discovered last night that water doesn't make me melt." I replied smoothly feeling my face flush. She smirked slowly, taking my hand and pulling me into her apartment.  
  
" Come on in..make yourself at home." She said warmly as I stepped in. I had to admit, I was expecting her to be a little more apprehensive at first, but I was very, pleasantly surprised as I looked around her apartment. I was very nice actually, much nicer than most in the area. I over looked the city with a small, fake balcony and was spacious. Everywhere I looked on her walls, paintings and drawings of hers that I assume she had once in a gallery, were nailed up and mounted.  
  
" You've some talent Dev.." I said as my eyes fell upon one in the far corner of a twisted looking person done in odd angles. If I hadn't felt that my assumption would be cocky, I would have sworn that it was me she had drawn.  
  
" Thank you Nny!" She called from the kitchen unseen. " Would you like anything to drink? Eat?"  
  
" If you have tea, that sounds wonderful. I'm a touch chilled still. If not, then don't worry, I'll be fine." I replied.  
  
" Aww, I'm sorry..I just used my last tea bag on an art project this morning." She retorted coming back out from the kitchen with a small mug of what looked like hot cider. I smiled down at her as I sat down on her, rather comfortable, couch.  
  
" Don't worry, I'll warm up." I consoled watching her sit down on the cushion next to me, taking a sip from her mug then setting it down on the coffee table in front of us, pulling the sleeves of her black sweater down with a hint of nervousness. Her smile faded as she looked away from me. I looked over at her perplexed, tilting my head.  
  
" Is something wrong?" I asked lightly, leaning towards her watching her slowly look up at me.  
  
" Err.." She started, fiddling with a small piece of her magenta hair. " You..don't really know why I asked you here do you."  
  
I looked at her oddly, shaking my head as a flash of lightning lit up the rather dark room. She looked at me then back down at the table again.  
  
" Well Johnny.." She started looking up at the ceiling and sitting back, rather tensely. " I have to admit something to you. The day..that you..tried to die well..I lied. I-I..I guess I'm trying to say that I only saved you for a vain reason not the one I told you. I- I wanted you back Nny..I knew that your good side was still inside you, It just needed some help getting out..I wanted you back plain and simple. I missed the guy that used to visit me at the bookstore, I missed the feeling you always gave me when I saw you..Hell, those feelings really didn't leave the easily after the night you..tried to kill me. I- I...I mean God- I just don't know how to say this and I probably sound like an idiot..I.." Then she stopped, looking up at me meekly, as if apologizing. I looked down at her blankly and tilted my head..Suddenly my heart and body was overcome by a sudden shiver of warmth as I melted, eyes narrowing leaning closer to her face tilting my head. She was saying that she loved me wasn't she. That she always had. She watched me slowly doing the same, though hesitantly. Once more I felt her hand against my cheek, her other hand running through my hair dragging her nails slowly, teasingly across my scalp.  
  
" Devi.." I whispered as I closed my eyes, lips partly opened hovering a hair away from hers. With another flash of lightning lighting up the room..our faces met, for the first time ever. Her lips felt so warm; tasted so sweet..I lost all abilities to think. Her hands slid slowly down to the middle of my back, softly massaging; I intensified the kiss, becoming more ravenous and hungry for her, lightly gliding my tongue across the top of hers. I felt her sigh into my mouth, beginning to lie back and pulling me on top of her, dragging her nails down the fabric of my shirt as I rested on her. Everything in me shuddered and melted..turning the embrace more and more passionate, wrapping my arms around her and feeling her heart beating against mine.  
  
Her own tongue began to teasingly intertwine with mine and draw back, Her hands finding their way up the back of my shirt, scratching her nails down my skin. Words could not possibly even start to describe the feelings my heart experienced then. She slowly writhed beneath me, pulling her lips away from my mouth and meeting the skin on my neck, dragging her tongue down my jaw line to my neck, then pecking softly but dizzyingly passionate.  
  
" Oh Devi.." I whispered, tilting my head back with a shiver, feeling her rest one of her hands at the small of my back and slowly rub it. She was killing me in passion, plain and simple. Lightning flashed every few seconds over us, though it went unnoticed. Suddenly, the intense passion and warmth of the atmosphere was sharply broken as the ringing of her phone shattered the silence.  
  
" Mmmm....better get that." I whispered hoarsely opening my eyes slightly and looking down at her. She pulled away from my neck, lying her head down on the pillow beneath her, taking one hand off my back and reaching above her towards the phone. Though instead of hearing the receiver being picked up, a small though forceful click sounded instead as the phone chord and plug fell to the floor. She looked at me deviously and smirked. Dragging her nails down my back again as her hand returned.  
  
"That better?" She asked in a sultry voice, though I couldn't respond as she pushed my neck down attacking me with the most ravenously passionate embrace yet...  
  
A bright flash of light streaked past my eyelids a little while later as I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in Devi's living room, still on her couch, though sitting up. She was pressed against my chest and stomach fast asleep with a warm smile on her lips beneath a dark red blanket. I looked down at her lovingly, placing my hand on her back and softly rubbing, feeling the smooth material of her shirt against my palm ((A/N: No. They didn't have sex. Don't worry.)) My eyes moved to the digital clock just above her television, reading 2:45 a.m..damn it, it was late; I had to go, didn't want to but had to. I lightly kissed her forehead and stretched with a silent yawn, readjusting her as I began to get up. Before I left though, I looked back down at her..kneeling on my knees next to her. She saved my life because she loved me, plain and simple, she brought to me a resurrection of the fallen. She brought back the life I once lost before, despite my attempt to kill her and by God, I couldn't love her more than I did right then, just looking at her asleep, so innocent, so peaceful. A tranquil smile crossed my lips as a tingling sensation licked the inner corners of my eyes, bringing up crystalline waters. I blinked as a single tear of true happiness fell down my cheek like the rain outside, leaning forwards and lightly kissing her lips. I felt her lips softly apply pressure back on mine as I slightly backed away, looking down at her, watching her eyes open slightly.  
  
" Hey." She whispered, weakly smiling.  
  
" Hey." I replied with a smile in return; she stretched and yawned sitting up and looking at the clock with surprise.  
  
" Wow..it's late." She muttered looking up at me, I nodded standing up, stretching my hands above my head and standing on my toes.  
  
" Yeah it is..I ought to get going too." I said, she frowned standing up and wrapping her arms around me in a warm hug, which I gladly returned.  
  
" No, no and more no Nny..you're staying here with me." She pleaded resting her chin on my chest and looking up at me with mock puppy eyes. I chuckled lightly, brushing my hand across her cheek as she leaned into my embrace smiling.  
  
" Sorry..I really should get back before it floods terribly. I've got leakage problems, MAJOR leakage problems." I answered warmly. She looked up at me, with such love in her eyes my knees buckled slightly.  
  
" Oh all right.." She groaned still holding me. " But I'm going to walk you to your car."  
  
" Aww why? You don't have to I'll be fine!" I exclaimed, hugging her tighter and resting my chin on top of her head.  
  
" I know but.." She started, pulling away from me and taking a step back with a snide smirk. " It wouldn't make much of a gentlewoman out of me would it?" She added, out stretching her arm like I had done yesterday. I gave her a queer look and grinning.  
  
" Gentlewoman?" I laughed, " Is there such a thing?"  
  
" There is now." She smiled as I took her arm and we left her apartment.  
  
As we stepped out into the cold, wet air greeted by vacant streets a strange feeling of darkness over came me, followed by an uncomfortable screaming inside, much like a warning. My expression fell to a flat, fear ridden one, looking all about the empty streets, trying to avoid splashing the puddles as much as I could, as if something would get me if I made too much noise. Devi looked up at me concerned, losing her grip on my arm as I began to walk faster.  
  
" Johnny? What's wrong?" She asked with a tone of fright in her voice trying to keep up with me..I didn't respond, only feeling a block of ice form in my stomach. Then suddenly, the scene I'll never forget ever happened like a burst of chaos in front of my eyes...  
  
As we passed the alley, Devi stopped looking into it like she was hypnotized.  
  
" Did you hear that?" She whispered, not moving. I stopped and began to turn around to reply as a terrible, blood-curdling scream erupted from the spot where she had stood as four massive shadows leaped out onto her like terrible predators. My heart sank as she disappeared, kicking and screaming into the alley as I heard the four figures shouting and cursing at her. Then suddenly it struck me...they were people.  
  
My heart completely stopped as I ran into the alley to follow her, greeted by a painful crack in the jaw by one of the black clad thugs, sending me to my back. I heard another terrible scream come from Devi as she tried to fight them off..though was followed by a horrible crack and a dry sob. I gritted my teeth, enraged like a wild tiger springing to my feet once more, though was thrown back down again by a foot in my ribs, emitting an unhealthy crack and licking me with white hot lightning bolt pain. I cried out falling to my hands and knees as the man swore at me continuing to kick my already broken ribs..the pain killed me, but I needed to get Devi out of there. Who knows what they were doing, though something gave me the idea I knew quiet well what they were planning on. I heard her muffled scream, interspersed with "Please God no!" " Get the fuck away from me!" and " I'll fucking kill you!" Once more followed by a ton of shattering glass and the sound of an echoing slap. Then she fell silent after I heard a loud metallic twang.  
  
The raging beast inside me broke through.  
  
Through the pain of my ribs being shattered as well as various pieces of metal being thrust into me by now two men, I arose to my feet, like a ball of fury and grabbing them by their shirts, smashing them as hard as I could head first into the wall, grabbing two shards of broken glass and shoving it straight into their backs, piercing their lungs as they screamed. I painfully leapt over towards the other two, surrounding Devi who lied there, bleeding almost everywhere, silently sobbing, pinned down and unable to move. One of them was over her holding a knife to her throat and stripping her of her clothing, the other held his knife above her head as if he were about to stab her. She looked up at me in the most heartbreaking gaze I had ever seen anyone give me, even those who pleaded life when I was to murder them. I gritted my teeth, over come by an incredible amount of strength, kicking the man next to her holding the knife above her head as hard as I could in the back hearing a deep snap as he cried out in pain. The man on top of Devi looked up at me, shouting and jamming his knife into the artery in my leg. I didn't feel the pain; I was so adrenaline run. I grabbed the man whose back I had just snapped in two like a twig and threw him out into the street, where he landed in an unnatural position, crying out in pain. Then there was one.  
  
I turned around as the last man sliced his knife across my face, kicking me in the already injured stomach. I attempted to fight back, but I was loosing strength fast..as well as life, the cut artery in my leg gushed out like a fountain. He attacked me again, this time stabbing me in the stomach and I cried out in pain feeling nothing but terrible white-hot nothingness. Death almost seemed to be inviting now..as my crimson blood now escaped my leg and stomach, my vision began to blur, losing my breath slowly. I looked back down at Devi..seeing the look on her face, and was immediately blessed with another round of adrenaline run anger, blood pounding in my ears. As the man took another, final stab..I grabbed his wrist forcefully, gritting my teeth and growling, prying the knife out of his hand and thrusting it into his heart..where he immediately fell lifeless. And there I stood, half alive in my own puddle of exposed life wobbling in my place. I watched as Devi, terrified and shaking sat up looked up at me. I took one pathetic step, and immediately fell to my knees then my stomach; my legs no longer worked.  
  
" Johnny.." Devi dryly sobbed crawling over to my side, covered in her blood, wrapping her arms around me and turning me around. My vision was so terribly damaged, though thankfully I could still see her..the devastated look on her face, the never ending water fall of tears smearing the blood on her cheeks, even covered in blood she looked so beautiful. " No..no, no, no, GOD NO!" She screamed, now sobbing out loud, I shakily placed my hand on the side of her cheek in condolence, my breaths becoming less frequent and shallower.  
  
" Devi..please don't cry.." I begged in a whisper, tears forming in my own eyes as my I lost feeling in the lower half of my body, beginning to feel heavier. " Please.."  
  
" You saved my life.." She whimpered resting her head on my chest, sniffling and shaking sounding miserable "no..Nny....you're not supposed to die Nny..you're not. Please, please get up...please live..you can't go..not yet.."  
  
I sighed and slightly closed my eyes and placing my hand on her back. Now everything else was beginning to lose feeling..I knew I had to be short. " I..regret..not seeing our..future together..so terribly..b- but..Devi..please know that..I...I love you..I always...always did..and...and always...always will..p...please...meet...meet me..at..h..heavens..gates..because I'll..be waiting for you..I love you." I hoarsely whispered, eyes now barely open. She looked into my eyes once more, shaking in sobs..forcing herself to talk comprehensively.  
  
" I love you too Johnny C., fuck I even loved you after you tried to kill me..I loved you when I first met you..and I should have fucking said it sooner and not in this circumstance. God Nny, you're all I have and all I want..God I love you so fucking much I can't even try to word it.." She hollered in uncontrollable sobs..then looked down at me and closed her eyes, blinking the tears away..her wet lips meeting mine in the sweetest embrace I ever felt. I tried to apply pressure back but couldn't..She too was all I had, and wanted..and I would have rather died in her arms than on the street alone. Suddenly I fell limp..no longer breathing and barely feeling anything. She sobbed once more shuddering.  
  
" I promise you I'll see you again Johnny, Nny.." She started..her voice starting to become distant " I love you..I love you.."  
  
Then I heard and felt no more..And would never again  
  
((Author's note: Mmm..not much to say really, very extremely hard to write. I admit I was a little skeptical at first of killing Johnny off, but it would have ruined my sadistic little twist and twist to the title of the story. Please, no flames..none at all. Chapter 8, which is like an epilogue shall be up tomorrow..thus concluding my first JTHM fiction. Don't worry though, I'll defiantly come back with a more..uplifting story. ::already has a good idea for one:: )) 


	8. Resurrection of the fallen

Thus ending my story and bringing me to now..sitting on the sidewalk outside of Heaven with you telling my tale. I lived a grand total of two days without the shackles of insanity and depression on me away from the hospital; though it's ironic really..I lived a life full of despair, wanting to kill myself, and dying when I was healed..ironic and sad at the same time.  
  
And as I promised Devi, I wait for her here at Heaven's gates watching people come by, watching me with sympathetic eyes, as if knowing I'm here waiting for my other half to come to me....Hell a few have even joined up along side me waiting as well with a similar story of waiting for a loved one, then the significant other comes and the desolate soul leaves me alone once more. It kills me to see her down there on Earth, alone..ever since my death it looks like she had gone on a few dates, but never calling the guy back and crying herself to sleep nearly every night; though once sleep comes upon her, I always come back down and visit her in her dreams. Oh yes, you're new here..you probably didn't know, if there are people you held dear to you in life down on Earth, you can visit them in their dreams..however they just think you're a part of their subconscious but, that's not important. I can fondly say every dream I'm in of Devi's is wonderful..ranging from the night, just before I died to our future together. There are on occasion, a few I'd...Ahem..rather keep to myself, being rather private to me. However once in a great while, she dreams of the fight..and with great sadness I feel how she felt, seeing me die in her arms..Though as the scene ends as I stand right behind her watching..I always kiss her on the cheek and whisper.  
  
" I'm alive inside you.." Even if she only believes I'm a part of her dream, she always wakes up with a smile. Sometimes, you know, I believe that dreams are a small gateway to Heaven.  
  
I miss her so much that sometimes I believe I'm paralyzed without her actual touch and not her dreamt one..she was my savior, my resurrection when I was fallen, and I believe I was hers too, brought me to life and in a morbid way, resurrected once my soul once more when I died, sending me here to Heaven. I of course, cannot wait until we are reunited, though I hope she does live a long happy life, never forgetting me...and eventually I hope to become her guardian angel. Every time she looks up at the stars at night, I make them glow back brilliantly, bathing her in the eternal fire of my love.  
  
So tell me friend, what's your story?  
  
((Author's note: ::hands out tissues:: Yeah..can't say I didn't need one or two writing these last chapters..And so ends my first JTHM fan fiction..but I will be back with a more humorous one..I'm thinking of a Nny and Devi "Freaky Friday" ish happening..or a Johnny and Squee ::could just imagine Squee the Homicidal Maniac:: So, I hope you enjoyed this story..even if it's a tad morbid. I have to say though..who expected the twist to be Johnny telling you the story while he was dead? Oh yeah..you're dead too x) )) 


End file.
